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Make the past go away
By Daniel | September 1, 2008
It’s interesting how many emails I’ve gotten over the years from BBWNorthwest members who don’t quite get that the internet does not exist in a vacuum. It’s part of real life. And unless you’re Superman and can change the rotation of the earth to go back in time, real life becomes part of history.
Daniel I hope you get this, I have remove myself from your group and am moving on in life but can you do me the favor of removing any and all pics from your party pic I would appreciate it. thank you
I can appreciate that members sometimes meet someone they want to establish a lasting relationship with or for some other reason want to “move on in life” by leaving our group, but it is unreasonable to expect to make the past go away. Unless it’s a case where someone’s personal safety is being threatened where there’s a police protection order, or some other legal action, leaving empty holes in our photo gallery or gaps in the continuity of our message board threads to cover up the choice you willfully made to participate is not something we should be playing “clean up” for.
As adults, we make choices every day. And as adults we should understand that those choices have affects on our lives both instantly and in the future. About a year ago a 24-year-old guy joined the group to profess his penchant for sex with older women. His reaction from women in the group didn’t quite elicit the “gratitude” he expected. In fact, most pretty much berated him for his strictly carnal interests to the point where he left the group. Would you believe that just last week I got an email from this former member with a long list of URLs from every post he ever made – plus others who posted quoting him – telling me “I’m tired of seeing these in Google” and to “remove them immediately”?
I’ve often said that for any parts of my life I want to keep private now and forever, I don’t post details on public internet forums! In fact, I’m very selective with whom I share it with in any written form, including emails…as you never know who they might be forwarded to or even posted online. Events I attend where I know there are photos being taken by the party hosts and I may not want the world to know I was in attendance? I make a point of telling the host then and there I don’t want pics taken of me (we have several BBWNorthwest members who have requested such for various personal reasons), or I don’t go. I certainly wouldn’t – as this gentleman did – pose for photos!
I don’t doubt that over the years various married or partnered men and women have posted to our group or come to our events in search of a hookup or some other kind of relationship with the opposite sex. We’ve said it many times over our 9 year history, and I’ll say it again. If you’re trying to be on the downlow, BBWNorthwest is not the place for you to troll. You can try AdultFriendFinder; although I understand that those members’ tolerance for those leading double lives is also low.
OK, speaking of emails, here’s another one from last week’s mailbag received from an Oregon woman who had been a member for four years…
The reason I took myself off of your list/group is that you are in another STATE! There TRULY needs to be an Oregon group.
I went through the archives and saw in four years this woman had only posted to our group (4) times … twice in 2004 and twice this year. Two of her posts were in the vein of, “I’m looking for a man”…nothing to contribute to our discussions or give members any insight into who she was or what she was about except she was looking for a man. Well aren’t most ALL single women in that category?
The fact is BBWNorthwest has more Oregon members than BBW groups that are based in Oregon! And more Oregon members that regularly attend our events than events that are held IN Oregon.
Want to make a connection through an online group? Let people know you’re out there! Contribute to discussions. Start topics of your own. If you’re seeking more than a sex partner, why wouldn’t a prospective romantic interest want to know more about you than you have breasts and a vagina? What interests do you have? What makes you laugh? What are your career pursuits? Certainly there has to be SOMETHING more about you than your pursuit of the opposite sex.
Our group is an interactive experience. If you want to reap the benefits, you need to take the time and make the commitment to participate. And before you join, you have to be sure that you’re fine with the whole world knowing that you’re in a size-acceptance social group. Because no matter how much you might wish it would, the past doesn’t go away.
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