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Full disclosure
By Daniel | August 15, 2008
Today I read a fat girl’s lament on a BBW message board:
I … have given up on dating because of VERY shallow men I have dated in the last year … they see your face and talk to you on the phone … but when they see you are a BBW and you have a large Butt or curvy it is SHALLOW HAL all over the place …
What does that have to do with being “shallow”? Some guys simply aren’t into fat chicks!
What’s her reason for not spelling in out in no uncertain terms that she is a BBW? I know some gals have a tendency not to disclose that information ahead of time with the faulty (fearful?) logic that “we get along so well talking and he thinks I have a pretty face, so I’m sure my body size won’t matter.” To me that’s deception, pure and simple. Have your heart set on a romantic relationship? The only way to approach it is full disclosure!
Whether it’s right or wrong, fair or unfair, for most men it DOES matter! It’s been said many times that men are visual creatures; how you look is the source of their physical excitement and interest in becoming more than just a friend.
Once online chat gets to the point of wanting to meet in person, why not let the guy know in no uncertain terms that you are fat? And so that’s not left to his interpretation of what “fat” means (I’ve also heard of women meeting guys who ended up saying, “You said you were fat, but I didn’t think you were THAT fat!”) why not send him several current full-length photos. I’m not saying she should apologize for it. Nor say, “I”m fat, but losing weight” – unless of course she is. Just be YOU and be proud of YOU!
I’m not buying into the “poor little fat girl” is a victim when she could have easily saved herself some grief. Accept that as human animals, physical appearance IS important to most men when it comes to sexual attraction and arousal. Again, whether that’s fair or unfair doesn’t matter. If a romantic relationship isn’t meant to be because your body doesn’t trip his trigger, that’s simply the reality. But to go through all the anticipation of dressing up and meeting someone in person when you haven’t made them fully aware of your physical appearance – and then sulking because you got rejected because of it – is something that’s within your control before you leave the house.
Even as an enthusiastic size acceptance advocate, I would never label anyone as “shallow” because a prospective love interest didn’t like my appearance. Sure, love me for my mind and personality. But I also want to know that you are hot for my body!
Topics: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
August 18th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
I shout that I am a CFC – Cute Fat Chick – as the term BBW kind of bugs me. I am fat, have been fat all my life, and unless I get squished – will continue to be fat til I stop breathing.
I have not apologuised about my size, and fully agree different strokes for different folks. I take it back, I don’t like when my size encroaches on anyone, so I am self aware.
I prefer large men over trim ones. Smiles win over fat wallets. I like blondes, brunettes, straight haired, curly, not decided if I have a type, but I know what I like when I see it…
Would I prefer to be smaller? Sure. But, I have not spent my life agonizing over ENJOYING life at my present size. Size does limit some activities, but hey, I doubt I will drown when I go snorkeling!
I have often said that my personality would never fit in a small body, so I guess I am meant to be FAT. Fat, thin, blonde, brown, white, black, tall, short, are just words that describe.
B :)~